Need to Be Liked

By Renee Shay, Harvesting Thought

–explore–

The need to be liked, to belong, to connect, did not start with the World Wide Web, Facebook, YouTube, WhatsApp, or Messenger. These social networks were born out of our desire to connect with each other. It was quite genius of their creators to figure that out and capitalize on it by tapping into one of our greatest necessities, connection to others. Many have become the richest people in the world because they figured that out and created new ways for us to communicate without having to be in the same room, house, city or even country.

In our first years of attending primary educational institutions, how many people experienced “show and tell” where you had to bring a story, an object, and present it to the class on Monday mornings or after a holiday break? What did we all try to do when faced with this task? How did we feel when someone had a better story, had a better souvenir from their summer vacation than you did? Most of us dreaded it all the way to school or got excited when we thought we had something great to share. We oftentimes ended up jealous when we fell short, with a determination to produce something better to wow the class next time, right? I bet we never could live up to what we thought would impress others.

-challenge–

We all tried to tell the best story, bring the coolest things in, and share them with our classmates. Or decided not to participate at all if we felt we could not compete with the popular kids. Isn’t that exactly what we try to do now with our posts on Facebook or Instagram? Different forum but it is the same principle. Of course, it is. I do not think anyone who uses these sites can honestly say they do not look at how many “like” their posts. I am sure there are a few exceptions but most of us seem to get addicted to one up ourselves and others just as we had tried to impress our classmate’s way back in kindergarten.

We obsess over the need to be liked and it becomes a need that impacts our entire lives. We plan out what pictures we want to take when we are doing something so basic as eating or drinking, no aspect of our lives are off limits, so it seems. We are constantly orchestrating and setting up our next post to “show and tell” the world how wonderful we are. Wow, even the person who invented the nuclear bomb to protect us, another need we tried to fill, was a genius just as much as the inventor of the World Wide Web. Though at what cost is their genius. New ways of navigating our physical and social worlds, our need to be liked, have a cost. The internet may not be as dramatic and dangerous as the death and destruction from a bomb but just because something is genius, and we think we will benefit from it does not always make it good for ourselves or others. The verdict is still out on this.

–expand–

Who remembers that story of the “secret” wedding with 7,000 guests during the height of the pandemic this past fall? I got that headline briefly and thought no one has 7,000 friends. It is hard enough to keep up with a handful of friends. Why would you want that many people attending something so intimate, so personal as your wedding anyway? A person might get one like or no likes on something they post online or can invite 7,000 people to their wedding. Both things are true, but that does not mean that the person who has more “likes” or guests is any happier or a better friend to others than the one who has 1 “like.” The one with more just may be more motivated to win the game of show and tell to satisfy their need to be liked?